Posted by: expated | July 5, 2007

On Weekly Status Reports and Such

Us poor, miserable expats have to deal with things other non-expats are unaware of to their own leisure.

Every week or so, we have to pick up the phone and dial +962-[Insert number of family here]

Me: Hey Dad
Dad: Hello Son, How are you?
Me: Good, and you?
Dad: I’m good that I heard your voice. How’s work?
Me: Good, and you?
Dad(disappointed): Good.

Somehow Dad is convinced that you are the most successful person in the world and brags to his friends and colleagues about his talented super-son rocking in Dubai or wherever. He expects you to tell him so, that you are richer than Bill Gates now, and are in talks to buy off Microsoft.

Dad: Mom wants to talk to you.
Mom: Hello Son! How are you? How’s work? How’s Dubai? How’s the weather?
Me: Good Mom.
Mom: You eating well? Are you getting fat? Are you going to the gym? Did you meet any ‘good’ girls? Are you saving for marriage?
Me: HA HA HA. Good girls in Dubai? Are dinosaurs extinct yet? Saving in Dubai? Richie Rich would’ve spent his fortune in Dubai in 4 months.
Of course all I say is, I’m looking Mom, let’s hope for the best.
Mom: Stay away from awlad and banat il-7aram.  (Sons and daughters of sin, whatever that really means, since it seems like everyone is a son and daughter of sin here, one way or another) Ok son?
Me: Sure Mom.
Mom: Wait Sibling wants to talk to you

Sibling: Heeeeeeeeey maaaaan
Me: Hey dude. How are you?
Sibling: I’m good, did you have sex?
Me: Shit man, what is wrong with you? Are your parents close?
Sibling: No they’re not, so did you?
Me: Go away man, that’s none of your business.
Sibling: So you did?
Me: I didn’t say that.
Sibling: So you didn’t
Me: Shit, I need to go
Sibling: Wait! Send me some money, I want to buy some totally crappy and meaningless thing.
Me: Sure, I’m your fucking ATM machine.
Sibling: Thanks. Bye


Me: I miss you all.

Till next week then, we’ll do it all over again.

And again and again.


  1. LOL @ sibling.

    And awwwwwwwwwwwwwww at


    Me: I miss you all.”


    Maybe you need to call them less often … then the harrasment would be:
    mnee7 illi we heard your voice, shu , what are you busy with?

    You’ll never hear the end of that … OH THE GUILT of not calling.

  2. LooL😀
    So did you send him the money yet?😀

    I’m not there yet, in hope I’ll be there in your place, but guess if I did, I don’t think I’ll call them every week, I don’t think I’ll call them at all😀

  3. Repeat that 3 times a Day!
    Ever since I got them vonage.. Now I do the reporting 3 times a day. And for some reason. Dad expects things to be done by the time he called me (last night, and this morning) because you know it’s been a full day over there!

    Ahhhhh …

  4. oh my god, it’s like calling our family back home… teata would say the exact same words your mom says😀
    how is work ya teata? have you met anybody yet? when r u gonna get married?
    allah yes3edhom kolhom.. jad I miss everybody too :S

  5. After each phone call I feel like buying the damn ticket and going back to jordan..

  6. looooooooool @ “Me: HA HA HA. Good girls in Dubai? Are dinosaurs extinct yet?” really?? Ma fee banat mnaaa7 in Dubai??

    Hey Muhannad, You have Jude and your wife and you feeel like that, so imagine how it is with people like me, alone in the US and A?😀 (the first year I always had my bag packed for any sudden decision to leave after a phone call with

  7. ah those annoying phone calls…for hubby everytime he calls he get pestered(sp?) by his mom to find a job in the arabic and so found a job in saudi, why dont u…u have a cousin in UAE call him maybe he’ll find u a job there..uff! why would living in the arabic gulf be better than living in canada? we are starting to really dread the weekly calls to jordan….especially after hubby’s friend here got an offer in saudi, which he refused because it sucked..but he wont admit that to his parents…sheesh!

  8. LOL expated! Yes parents do want to convince themselves that the economy of the country their sons are living depends solely on them. My dad is expecting me to become Sheikh Mohammed’s right hand in the next couple of years or so:-/

  9. i can totaly relate to that …

    check this out …

  10. fc79d0cc99f87992e1c143849d3cde17


  11. @7aki fadi: Yeah right, call them less often! The funny thing is that they wouldn’t call and get worried as hell and start sending me messages and missed calls to call back :S
    @Jasim, yeah of course I sent them the money, Siblings are un-no-able, and I wouldn’t do without calling my parents, they’re the final cushion I fall unto
    @Angry Husband, lol you crack me up dude. I guess it’s time to set some boundaries for everyone in your life🙂
    @Maioush, all moms are a template copy and pasted from each other.🙂
    @Mohanned, I already did buy the ticket, I sleep everyday with it tucked under my pillow. Hehe, no really I have to come to Amman for my Quarterly Status Report and shake my booty for uncountable weddings
    @Secratea, lol I wouldn’t go far to say there aren’t ‘good’ girls in Dubai, it’s just that they wouldn’t fit our Moms definition of ‘good’, maybe in Sharja or Al-Ain there are mom’s good girls
    @Sam, forget Saudi, I think it is the gateway to’s where your orientation for Hell takes place, Hell meet Expated, Expated..HELL
    @Who-Sane, we should come up with imaginary jobs to satisfy our Dad’s insatiable need for their son’s success. I am the treasurer for the minister of Education in UAE
    @Isam, Lol I wish my Sibling was at a age where all they wanted was chocolate
    @fc79d0cc99f87992e1c143849d3cde17, xp21kd83ss52sz24fb2as? Does that answer your question. Thanks anyway for pushing the number of comments to a 2-digit number🙂

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