Us poor, miserable expats have to deal with things other non-expats are unaware of to their own leisure.
Every week or so, we have to pick up the phone and dial +962-[Insert number of family here]
Me: Hey Dad
Dad: Hello Son, How are you?
Me: Good, and you?
Dad: I’m good that I heard your voice. How’s work?
Me: Good, and you?
Somehow Dad is convinced that you are the most successful person in the world and brags to his friends and colleagues about his talented super-son rocking in Dubai or wherever. He expects you to tell him so, that you are richer than Bill Gates now, and are in talks to buy off Microsoft.
Dad: Mom wants to talk to you.
Mom: Hello Son! How are you? How’s work? How’s Dubai? How’s the weather?
Me: Good Mom.
Mom: You eating well? Are you getting fat? Are you going to the gym? Did you meet any ‘good’ girls? Are you saving for marriage?
Me: HA HA HA. Good girls in Dubai? Are dinosaurs extinct yet? Saving in Dubai? Richie Rich would’ve spent his fortune in Dubai in 4 months.
Of course all I say is, I’m looking Mom, let’s hope for the best.
Mom: Stay away from awlad and banat il-7aram. (Sons and daughters of sin, whatever that really means, since it seems like everyone is a son and daughter of sin here, one way or another) Ok son?
Me: Sure Mom.
Mom: Wait Sibling wants to talk to you
Sibling: Heeeeeeeeey maaaaan
Me: Hey dude. How are you?
Sibling: I’m good, did you have sex?
Me: Shit man, what is wrong with you? Are your parents close?
Sibling: No they’re not, so did you?
Me: Go away man, that’s none of your business.
Sibling: So you did?
Me: I didn’t say that.
Sibling: So you didn’t
Me: Shit, I need to go
Sibling: Wait! Send me some money, I want to buy some totally crappy and meaningless thing.
Me: Sure, I’m your fucking ATM machine.
Sibling: Thanks. Bye
Me: I miss you all.
Till next week then, we’ll do it all over again.
And again and again.